People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
