the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
