That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
