She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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