I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I have aggressive nipples.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
