drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
