Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I would ride that face into the sunset
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
