Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
