It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
