Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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