I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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