You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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