Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
