walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
