My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
