dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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