I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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