dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So squirting runs in the family.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
