i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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