after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
