I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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