Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
