Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My liver just had a heart attack.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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