I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
