I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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