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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
