I just threw up on my dentist
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
