yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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