The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
