I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
