I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
