Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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