End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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