real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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