I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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