All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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