And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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