This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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