We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
