I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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