why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
