im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
