Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
