hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
