I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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