What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
