Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
