i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
