Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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