I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
