i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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