Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
