first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Everyone says I win the strip club
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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