Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
