Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
