I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
