Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
