She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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