I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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