I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
